1

My last hospital shift is now over. Fifteen years at the hospital and now I’m unemployed. It’s a happy and a sad feeling together – Happy to be moving, changing, (growing?). Sad to be leaving behind friends.

I wasn’t sure when it would finally hit me that I was actually leaving. Now I know. It was yesterday morning when I had to say goodbye to Tanya, our department secretary. She has to be one of the nicest people on the face of the earth. She would get there early in the morning, and I would go and raid her office of chocolate. We’d talk about books we were both reading (Anna Karenina), her kids, my house. It got to be kind of a ritual for me. (5:15! Tanya’s here!) I’m really going to miss her.

And then last night they had a small going away party for me. It was nice, although I hate being the center of attention. I know I’m terrible at goodbyes, but I didn’t realize just how bad I really was. It was awful. I didn’t know what to say to anyone. It was embarrassing and I wanted to just slink off and not let anyone see me going.

This morning I was okay until it came time to say goodbye to Jerry and Brandon. I still can’t really find the words to say about it. They are friends. And it’s hard to say goodbye to friends. And words are impossible when eyes sting and throats close.

It reminds me of Paul, writing of his last visit with the Ephesian elders in the book of Acts. Perhaps I understand that passage a little better now. And it makes me think of other goodbyes I’ll almost surely have to say in my life’s journey… of how I’m not ready for them to happen… of how I hope the words won’t fail me then… of all the things I hope I’ll be able to say beforehand…

God! Please bless my friends that I’m leaving behind. Have mercy on them! Guide them along the paths of their lives until they rest in you. Amen
 
 
 

2

Today I said goodbye to friends.
How, O how! I hate the ends
Of things. All that’s left are memories
That fade in time like falling leaves
In Autumn.
 
 
 

3

The third to last shift. Still the night shift, but with my weekday coworkers. I’m afraid that I had to say goodbye to several of them. It’s a little distressing, but I managed to get a few email addresses and snap a few photographs. I’ll try to stay in touch.

I’m not very good at saying goodbye. But, in this age of connectedness do we ever really have to say goodbye? Aren’t we always within a phone call or an email of getting in touch with those we know and care for? We can get the thoughts and opinions of anyone with minimal effort; call and hear a voice. How different this is from most of history, when going away really did mean a loss of contact for an extended period of time.

That said, however, neither phone calls, emails, or videomail (if it ever really arrives and becomes popular) are a real substitute for being together in person. It’s something that just cannot be bottled and streamed by technology. You can’t get the same thing from those media as you can from having dinner with a friend, or working side-by-side for eight or twelve hours; catching up over coffee; playing a board game or cards. It’s just different.

So I am going to miss my coworkers. It won’t be quite the same.

It makes me look forward to heaven, when all goodbyes will be over and fellowship will be pure and uninterupted.
 
 
 

4

It was a long night for my fourth to last shift at the hospital. We didn’t work all night, but it just felt long. Maybe I’m getting overly ready to be on my way. The reading lists and syllabi for school have started to appear on the seminary website. I’ve got my housing situation solved (I think). I’m starting to finish packing all my stuff and make arrangements for the transport of my belongings to Louisville. Yep. It’s getting close.

Still, it’s sad to have to say goodbye to my hospital friends (it was my last shift with a couple of people I’m going to miss very much).
 
 
 

5

It’s the day after my fifth to last shift. I switched my schedule around so that I could work with some friends. Saturday night is when most of them work all together. The weekend crew. We’re a different breed. And we’ve worked together so long that we’ve developed our own subculture. Our own slang. It’s almost like an episode of Cheers.

To Sven the Nordic Nurse,
      The Grasshopper (a.k.a. Osaka Johnson),
      FuFu Fubuku,
      O.G., and
      The Friendly Tech (a.k.a. an unpronounceable phlegm sound).

Here’s to the fun times and the inside jokes! I’ll never forget “Hello my friend!” or the water fight we had just outside the doctor’s lounge, crossword puzzles to pass the time and “Bipeds doing diagnostics”. Late night Stargate marathons, Five Crowns with “The McFly Paper”, and Chicken-foot. “Blinking”. Who could sum up so many hours? Thanks for the good times and the friendships and enduring the night shifts with me (and some of the crazies). I’ll always be “Monk” to you.
 
 
 

6

Sixteen hours in the Operating Room could have been terrible. It could have been really busy (especially New Year’s Day), but it turned out to be pretty slow. Still, the shift was depressing, providing a sharp dose of perspective for everyone.

Toward morning we got a patient, the passenger in a motor vehicle accident. She wasn’t hurt especially bad physically. It was only a minor wound we had to fix. But,… well, the emotional part of it is very different. She lost both her husband and her 3-week old infant in the crash. And she wept and clutched a small blue sock as she went off to sleep.

Working in the Operating Room, we can sometimes get kind of callous toward people’s pain. We see it all the time. But we rush them off to sleep and then don’t see them again while they’re awake. We don’t deal with the aftermath. And how do you deal with the aftermath of losing so much?

Looking back, I can remember other losses we’ve seen. All of them tragic. I remember the 16-year old girl who died after an auto accident on her way to school. She ruptured something in her heart. We cracked her chest but could do nothing to stop the bleeding. That was in ‘96 or ‘97. After that, I remember the 24-year old guy who was in town to celebrate his birthday. Another auto accident. I remember the young girl with no family and a bad heart and how it just quit on her.

———————

So, that was my New Year’s Day. A little perspective on what’s important.

I pray for our young patient. I hope the Lord will comfort her and bring her through her loss. I hope she has family and a church to help her and to care for her… to deal with the aftermath. I pray for her healing. And not only for hers.

I pray that the new year will find us all in the comfort of our Lord, and in the comforting of others.
 
 
 

7

Happy New Year!

We’re almost an hour into 2008 and a couple of hours into my 7th to last shift at work. I picked up some extra shifts in an effort to save up some extra money for school. Hopefully it’ll help me pay for all my books for the first couple of semesters.

Tonight so far we’ve only done another laparoscopic appendectomy. It’s amazing how many of those we end up doing in the middle of the night. Because it’s a holiday night we don’t have much of the normal busy work to do. So I’m free to type and think for the rest of the night. And maybe read. We’ll see. I need to stay awake.

I thought I’d use the post tonight and think about what 2008 holds in store for me.

In January I’ll be packing up my Honda and moving to Louisville, KY to start my mDiv at Southern Seminary. I’ve been out of school for seven years and it’s going to be a little hard adjusting to the academic life again. Hopefully it won’t be too hard.

Classes will really get going in February and continue through May. In March I’ll probably start looking for a job. I’m not sure what kind of job I want to have while I’m in school or how many hours I’ll be able to work per week. I’ll have to see how school goes. In April I’ll have my 35th birthday.

School will end in late May. I’m not sure if I’m going to attend Summer term or not… so June and July are a bit up in the air. If I don’t take classes I’ll probably try to work alot. At some point I’ll try to come home and visit family and friends.

In August school will start back again. And that will run through early December. Then home for the holidays.

All that’s tentative, of course. I really don’t know what’s going to happen at all. I do hope it’s a little more interesting than that barebones framework. Hopefully I’ll make some new friends in Louisville. Hopefully I’ll get some exercise and take many more photos (probably the easiest resolution I’ll ever make) and get to paint some. I’ll read books and have conversations. I’ll worship God better. I’ll pray more. Maybe I’ll find some courage somewhere along the line. I’ll grow and serve and think and love. I hope it’s a great year.

———————

Well, we had to have one alcohol related case to start off the year. So our shift ended with a guy who, while trying to open a bottle of wine with a knife, stabbed himself in the abdomen. He’s okay, though. He was too drunk to even remember what had happened.